Hell
Hell is exactly what you think it is. It contains gays, thots, traps and pedophiles who now recieve eternal punishment. Thousands are sent here every day, to suffer forever. It is ruled by Satan, and inhabited by several other autists. Portal A portal was discovered in western Nebraska, deep within a mine. However, not much is known as Loosis, a notable inhabitant, murdered the researching team before they could gather much information. The area around the portal is molten hot, causing nearby rock to form into magma. Near the portal many shrines, temples and areas of worship have been found, some in ruin, most belong to The Council of Negromancy. The area also smells like coffee creamer. It is supposed the portal to hell opened sometime around April 20th, the reason will be left up to you, autistic reader to conspirize about. Info While the inside of Hell is not very well known by the general public, information is not nonexistant. The inside of Hell is absolutely insane, and there is no entirely identifiable ground. The rings of hell are ordered from top, the first ring, to bottom, the eleventh. These layers or rings are not very clearly definable. If you fall to the "bottom" of hell, you end up in The Sinner's Chair. If you fly upwards, you actually end up stuck in The Break Room forever. Hell is known for it's extremely slow elevators and public transport. The elevators are used to go through all layers of Hell. However, may it be due to laziness or other reasons, citzens of Hell never use the elevator, so everyone in Hell is either in the First and Second Layers. The entirety of Hell is a complete mess, buildings are basically floating, and many structures are stacked on top of eachother, forming colossal pillars. People and the Portal Many people are thought or known to have ties to the Portal, the majority being Nebraska natives, and all of them being entirely retarded in some way. Satan Satan is the primary inhabitant of hell, and he rules over it. This is why the area near the portal smells like coffee creamers. he is also a lazy fucking bastard, and does nothing for Hell, despite total leadership. The Bird of Judgement The Bird of Judgement is the gatekeeper of hell, and basically acts as Satan 2. He decides what eternal punishment is necessary upon entering hell. He resides just next to the Portal. Gubble Gubble is the guard for the portal to Hell, making sure that nobody tries to get in without a punishment from Satan or The Bird of Judgement. However, if they are simple sinners, they are comepletely destroyed by his death laser. Loosis Loosis and his relatives have all been born near this portal or from it. This was confirmed by energy spikes found coming from Nebraska, detected by sattelites seconds after the supposed births of Loosis' children and parents. Loosis also controls the Black Market alongside Satan. Richard Hard Richard is an entity created by the portal and was birthed by his mother, Amy Hard. Something like jesus i guess. The radioactive material, which caused him to become Dick Hard, was sent from the portal to awaken and enlighten Richard to do his true job. Tyrone N. White Tyrone was gifted the power of Negromancy from the Portal, by The Mother and is responsible for him now living in Nebraska. Tyrone was chosen due to his incredible potential in Negromancy, and he now uses his powers to feed the Portal and The Mother. The Portal is also what lead him to Hastings College, a school for the arts of Negromancy, which is controlled by the Portal. Things of Interest Hades Brands Hades Brands is a company controlled by Satan. Manufactures several items sold around the world. Owns Hadesoft, Wendy's, and (WIP). Hadesoft Controlled by Hades Brands, steals immense amounts of Cheese Pizza from people online. WIP. The Gravy Train The Gravy Train is an incredibly slow train in Hell, and is one the only public transportation in Hell. The Never Ending Slide A slide built by the Hell Workforce for the sinners with special needs. Keeps them in an eternal state of pain and horror so nobody ever has to deal with them. The Pigeon Crusher A machine made for crushing pigeons, and that's it. The Sinner's Chair The 11th ring of hell. An empty, infinite void of darkness made to cause eternal suffering. Hell and Nebraska Hell is usually considered a seperate nation from Nebraska, but since Satan doesn't put up with boring human politics, he operates seperate from most of the world. Inside Hell, the only currency used IS the Nebraskan Nigle, but Satan refuses to disclose why. Since Nebraska is such a retarded, autistic country, Satan does plan to take it over with ease, but despite the fact Hell is basically directly connected to Nebraska, Satan has not acted on any of his plans. Both nations have the mutual agreement to destroy Japan if it attacks the west using The Kawaii Virus, but if Japan does actually take out this attack, Nebraska would be entirely destroyed before it even fucking knew what happened, so maybe Nebraska is just a lost cause. Probably. (Yes. It is.) The Hell Workforce The Hell Workforce is a mixed group of negros, Demons, Nebraskans, etc. made into slaves to work for Satan. They build most of the shit there, as well as working for Hades Brands and Hadesoft. It was formed out of need for Hell to have things built, and several bitches were forced together to work on shit, forming the Hell Workforce. Achievements They have built most things in Hell, most notably building all of the Hades Brands buildings scattered around Hell. They are currently working on an official building for Hadesoft, but you'll just have to wait for that to come, whenever they get their lazy asses on to working. (any day now, dumbasses...) Gallery Loosis.jpg|Loosis, that crow bitch with a knife. Hellparty.jpg|What the inside of most Hell buildings look like Demonbathroom.jpg|A bunch of Demons in a bathroom. hellfrozen.jpg|Hell when it freezes over Hellaliens.jpg|Unlike area 51, Hell has real aliens. Hellwaterways.jpg|Instead of having water in the sewers, Hell has blood. Hellmeeting.jpg|What most Hell board meetings look like. Hellhospital.jpg|Hell has awful healthcare. Hellhottub.jpg Hellbathroom2.jpg|What happens when you use the bathroom in Hell Hellbathroom.jpg|Satan's Bathroom mouthmuseum.jpg|Museum in Hell Hades Brands, Inc In-Depth Hades Brands, Inc, as you should already know, is a company made by Satan. Unlike the small info blocks in both it's dedicated article and in the "Things of Interest" section here, this section will go much further in depth with the brand. Founding Satan founded Hades Brands when he was a small pile of shit, not even a steaming one. It was his first REAL achievement, and, to build the headquarters he formed a decently sized group of his subjects, negros, nebraskans, general retards and so forth. This was when the Hell Workforce became a th ing, and their first accomplishment was the first Hades Brands building. Satan was extremely underwhelmed by their sorry attempt at taping sticks and rats together to make a building, that it was demolished immediately. Later, when the slaves have been more well... "trained," they built a second building, and this time, it stuck around. It no longer operates the same as it did 100 years ago, but it still holds all of the Hell board meetings. Purpose Satan founded Hades Brands for one reason and one reason only. To take control of the entire world, obviously. Due to Satan's troubled past in the Ghettos of China, he resents the entire world and wishes to take total control of it. Hades Brands is actually a very effective step in the direction of world dictation, as Satan can easily wipe out several countries entirely by, for example, pulling Miracle Milk off the shelves. Such a thing would be catastrophic for Japan, a country that relies on it for sustenance. Hadesoft Hadesoft is a software company owned by Hades Brands. It's purpose is to take total control of all the computers in the world, so Satan can have all the sweet, sweet Loli IRL he wants. They currently operate by producing shitty antivirus software, such as Navashield, which spreads several info-collecting viruses, bringing in plenty of money, Cheese Pizza and other shit for the low, low cost of completely free. This company has somehow been a massive success, and Satan has accumulated more Cheese Pizza than he can know what to do with in 1000 years. Wendy's Wendy's is a fast food restaurant chain renowned for having fresh, never frozen beef used in all of their burgers. This is mostly used as an excuse to explain the digusting meat stench coming from the refridgerators, but it became apparent that this scent was not caused by cow meat, but deceased bengali children. The employees who found the little faggot s were sent straight to hell jail, and the case was closed very quickly. Wendy's is actually owned by Hades Brands, and operates underneath them. They source their meats from the child trade, a worldwide trade organization that sells little kiddies. Be it the increasing popularity of Cheese Pizza or just good old child labor, kids are sold in the child trade almost every second. Satan buys a new package every week, and the "leftovers" are ground into beef for Wendy's hamburgers. Chris Hansen has a mutual agreement with Wendy's to give up orphaned kids for fresh meat, despite the obvious contradiction of Chris Hansen, a famous pedo buster funding Satan, the top criminal of the solar system, responsible for the disappearence of several million kiddies, but it is thought that Chris Hansen is entirely unaware of Satan's ownership over Wendy's. Something has happened! After coming a little too close to entering hell, you're now in The Sinner's Chair! Category:Hell Category:Stuff That'll Most Likely Kill You Category:Stuff That'll Most Likely Steal Your Foreskin Category:Long Articles Category:Articles With Events